THERE YOU ARE. I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR. HAVE YOU SEEN MY XANAX? I’M ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT.
NO. I HAD A HEADACHE, SO I TOOK THE LAST OF YOUR ASPIRIN. THEN I FELT REALLY GOOD FOR A WHILE. THEN I PASSED OUT FOR LIKE … FIVE HOURS. I WOKE UP AND ATE ABOUT FOUR MICROWAVE MEALS. NOW I’M JUST WAITING FOR THE SUNSET BECAUSE IT’S A CONSTANT SOURCE OF UNDERAPPRECIATED BEAUTY IN THIS CHAOTIC AND SEEMINGLY CRUEL WORLD. DON’T YOU AGREE?
OBVIOUSLY THOSE WERE MY XANAX, DAVID, AND I HATE YOU.
THAT’S UNFORTUNATE. I DON’T HATE ANYONE BECAUSE WE’RE ALL PART OF THE SAME FLOW OF COSMIC ENERGY, SHARING ONE CONSCIOUSNESS, INCHING EVER FORWARD TOWARD THE DIVINE LIGHT OF UNDERSTANDING AND TRANSCENDENCE.
YOU’RE A DICK, DAVE.
WE’RE ALL ONE DICK, ANDREW. THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU.
Somebodies by Goyte
Gotye remixed a bunch of covers of “Something That I Used to Know” from YouTube into a new song.
The Psychotic Biotic - Jack (Mass Effect cocktail)
8 ml Vodka
8 ml Whiskey (Jack Daniels is recommended)
8 ml Bourbon
6 ml Red Bull
Habanero Tabasco Sauce
Directions: Coat the insides of a shot glass with the hot sauce, then layer in the ingredients as listed. Jack packs quite a punch. Don’t take her lightly.
EVERYONE SHUT UP.*
THERE’S A NEW NO DOUBT SINGLE OUT TODAY.
No Doubt- Settle Down
We here at tune…wait, no. We have no amendments to the aforementioned statement.
* head bopping, toe tapping, shoulder shaking and lip synching is okay.